Archive for January 2013

A Few Good (Wo)men

Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 at 1:07 pm
By: Doug Lund
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What man hasn’t heard a woman say this?

“You guys have no idea how lucky you are to never undergo the trauma and pain of childbirth.”

Our comeback?

“Well, you’ve never had to fight in a war.”

women in combat

I guess that argument doesn’t hold water anymore since all the big wigs with big stars on their big shoulders in the defense department have decided to give the official okay for ladies to grab a rifle and serve right alongside the men on the front lines in combat. Of course, women have been serving..and dying..in combat zones for years but generally in support positions not actually assigned to be the van guard sharing a fox hole with their male compadres. Hmmmm do they even dig fox holes anymore?

I think it’s a bad idea on so many levels; not the least of which my being a male chauvinist pig. Actually, that’s not true, I’m all for women not being inhibited by their gender in any and all aspects of life..except this.

Every motivational speaker from Norman Vincent Peale to that tall goober Tony Robbins has said there is nothing you can’t do if you put you’re mind to it so set your goals high, think positive, work hard and nothing is impossible.

What a load of horse hockey.

Of course there are limitations to our aspirations; physical and mental. For example I will never..ever..be invited to join MENSA no matter how hard I would have studied algebra and chemistry in high school. My IQ is what it is and there’s nothing I can do to make it high enough to qualify for that snooty group of smarty pants.

By the same token..surprise surprise..women are built different than men (or is it differently than men? See why I’m a MENSA reject) and are physically limited when it comes to fulfilling the military fitness and strength requirements for down in the dirt..hand to hand..fighting.

Okay..before some of you blow a gasket and start citing examples of exceptions..let me ask why in the world would women WANT to serve in combat anyway?  To prove a patriotic point; to raise a flag for feminine equality? 

I just don’t get it. Has there really been a public outcry by women to make their mark on the battlefield or is this just the pot being stirred by a few who feel they’ve been slighted on the scale of military advancement because they’ve been denied an equal right to die with the boys? I decided to find out how my grandson, the Marine, recently back from several months of bloody combat in Afghanistan, felt about the issue.  He summed up his feelings by citing an essay from a fellow Marine who writes under the pseudonym of “Sentry.”  It’s a bit long but worth the read, I think.

I’m a female veteran. I deployed to Anbar Province, Iraq. When I was active duty, I was 5’6, 130 pounds, and scored nearly perfect on my PFTs. I naturally have a lot more upper body strength than the average woman: not only can I do pull-ups, I can meet the male standard. I would love to have been in the infantry. And I still think it will be an unmitigated disaster to incorporate women into combat roles. I am not interested in risking men’s lives so I can live my selfish dream.

We’re not just talking about watering down the standards to include the politically correct number of women into the unit. This isn’t an issue of “if a woman can meet the male standard, she should be able to go into combat.” The number of women that can meet the male standard will be miniscule–I’d have a decent shot according to my PFTs, but dragging a 190-pound man in full gear for 100 yards would DESTROY me–and that miniscule number that can physically make the grade AND has the desire to go into combat will be facing an impossible situation that will ruin the combat effectiveness of the unit. First, the close quarters of combat units make for a complete lack of privacy and EVERYTHING is exposed, to include intimate details of bodily functions. Second, until we succeed in completely reprogramming every man in the military to treat women just like men, those men are going to protect a woman at the expense of the mission. Third, women have physical limitations that no amount of training or conditioning can overcome. Fourth, until the media in this country is ready to treat a captured/raped/tortured/mutilated female soldier just like a man, women will be targeted by the enemy without fail and without mercy.

Without pharmaceutical help, women just do not carry the muscle mass men do. That muscle mass is also a shock absorber. Whether it’s the concussion of a grenade going off, an IED, or just a punch in the face, a woman is more likely to go down because she can’t absorb the concussion as well as a man can. And I don’t care how the PC forces try to slice it, in hand-to-hand combat the average man is going to destroy the average woman because the average woman is smaller, period. Muscle equals force in any kind of strike you care to perform. That’s why we don’t let female boxers face male boxers.

Lastly, this country and our military are NOT prepared to see what the enemy will do to female POWs. The Taliban, AQ, insurgents, jihadis, whatever you want to call them, they don’t abide by the Geneva Conventions and treat women worse than livestock. Google Thomas Tucker and Kristian Menchaca if you want to see what they do to our men (and don’t google it unless you have a strong stomach) and then imagine a woman in their hands.

I say again, I would have loved to be in the infantry. I think I could have done it physically, I could’ve met almost all the male standards (jumping aside), and I think I’m mentally tough enough to handle whatever came. But I would never do that to the men. I would never sacrifice the mission for my own desires. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if someone died because of me.- Sentry

Agree..disagree?

I’m anxious to hear your reasoned comments.

Feeling Blue

Posted: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 at 11:56 am
By: Doug Lund
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Lonely..I’m mister lonely..I got nobody..for my own”. (Bobby Vinton 1964)

Missing Linda a little bit.

Can you tell?

She’s been in Arizona for the past week and a half (our longest separation in over 30 years) whooping it up in the desert sunshine with daughter Christy and sister, Renee leaving me here to fend off this abysmal sub-zero invasion from the north by myself. When she called the other night, it was the first time I’d talked in two days.

Even when she IS home there can be long empty periods of silence; not because we’re mad at each other but we’ve unintentionally grown comfortable in our own space. Time can easily pass without a whole lot of conversation and we’re good with that. But this is way too long.

Linda’s being gone has also made one thing crystal clear; I’m a slob. Let me explain. When she is here, I really do try to clean up after myself not leaving dirty clothes or dishes lying around. I’ll rinse the tub after use and occasionally give the toilet a swoosh with a brush when necessary but this living by myself has been an eye opener. I’m not entirely sure how to operate the dish washer so I’ve been doing them the old fashioned way which has led me to discover that I go through way too many dishes and they tend to stack up in the sink which has also lost its shine because of dried water spots. The stovetop, microwave and floors in both the kitchen and bathroom all reflect the careless clod I am and what a mess this place would be without her. Now don’t misunderstand, I’m not melancholy over Linda’s absence simply because she keeps our little abode so spick and span it’s just that I’ve gotten a whole new appreciation for the challenges she faces each day living with me. Don’t worry, I’ll have everything squared away by the time she gets home..although I might leave one muddy footprint in the hallway as a token of my love and how I can’t get along without her.

dave dedrick birth deathWhen it gets cold like this I often flash back to those times on the Keloland news set when weatherman, Dave Dedrick, would issue a “Brass Monkey Alert.” It was a little naughty, I suppose, but everyone sure knew what he meant.

God, I miss that man.

To commemorate this, the third year of his passing, I thought I’d share the eulogy read at his funeral.

EVER SINCE SUNSHINE ASKED IF I’D GIVE A EULOGY, I’VE STRUGGLED TRYING TO COME UP WITH JUST THE RIGHT WORDS TO STRESS WHAT A GREAT MAN MY FRIEND DAVE DEDRICK WAS AND WHAT A HERO AND MENTOR HE WAS TO ME.   BUT THEN I REALIZED, HECK ANYBODY WHO KNEW DAVE AT ALL FEELS THE SAME WAY. 

I’LL BET THAT EVERYONE  IN THIS SANCTUARY COULD STAND UP HERE AND TELL  STORIES OF  YOUR OWN ENCOUNTERS WITH DAVE OVER THE YEARS.

HE LEFT A LASTING IMPRESSION TO BE SURE ON EACH PERSON HE MET WHETHER IT WAS DAVE THE SCHOOL MATE, DAVE THE MARINE, DAVE THE BROADCASTING PIONEER, DAVE THE HUNTER, DAVE THE AUTO RACING ANNOUNCER, DAVE THE WEATHER MAN, DAVE THE GOLFER..SINGER..EMCEE OR..OF COURSE..DAVE..MAN OF THE FUTURE..GIVEN THE POWER TO CONTROL TIME.

THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT DAVE DEDRICK WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO BE  CAPTAIN ELEVEN..A TELEVISION AND REAL LIFE ROLE MODEL AND HERO TO SO MANY GENERATIONS OF KIDS.

COME ON..WHO ELSE COULD HAVE PULLED IT OFF? WHO ELSE COULD HAVE WORN THAT BLUE UNIFORM WITHOUT LOOKING SILLY.

NO, WE NEEDED A KID AT HEART AND DAVE DEDRICK WAS EXACTLY THE RIGHT GUY FOR THE JOB AT PRECICELY THE RIGHT TIME.

I WAS 9 YEARS OLD WHEN WE GOT OUR FIRST TVSET IN 1955..THE

SAME YEAR CAPTAIN ELEVEN APPEARED FROM THE OUTER GALAXIES. I, LIKE THOUSANDS OF OTHERS BECAME A FAN OF THE MAN AND A FIXTURE IN FRONT OF THE TV AT 4 O’CLOCK  EVERYDAY TO WATCH THE SHOW..WISHING THAT I COULD BE THERE SOMEDAY TO SEE IT ALL IN PERSON.

I DON’T MIND TELLING YOUR THAT WHEN I ACTUALLY WENT TO WORK FOR KELOLAND IN 1974..I WENT INTO THE STUDIO ALONE ONE EVENING AND JUST STARED AT THE TIME CONVERTER WITH IT’S HIGH VOLTAGE ARC AND ROWS OF COLORED JEWELS THAT ..WHEN SWITCHED ON..MADE CARTOONS HAPPEN AND SO MANY KIDS HAPPY. 

I FLIPPED ‘EM ALL..OF COURSE..INCLUDING THE ONE THAT STARTED THE TWIRLITZER SPINNING.

 I CONSIDERED CHECKING TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THE KEYS WOULD UNLOCK THE TOY CHEST BUT THOUGHT BETTER OF IT.

A FEW MONTHS LATER, DAVE POPPED HIS HEAD INTO THE AUDIO BOOTH WHERE I WAS WORKING AND SAID, HEY..PALLY, I HEAR YOU’RE A GOLFER, WANNA PLAY SOMETIME?

AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF A GOLFING PARTNERSHIP THAT LASTED 25 YEARS.

YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT A GUY SITTING NEXT TO HIM IN A GOLF CART FOUR HOURS A DAY 3 DAYS A WEEK. WE HAD MORE LAUGHS THAN LOW SCORES BUT IT WAS ALWAYS FUN…ESPECIALLY LISTENING TO HIS STORIES WHICH  HE CONTINUED TO TELL EVEN DURING HIS BACKSWING.

SOMETIMES WE’D BE RIDING ALONG AND HE’D JUST BLURT STUFF OUT OF THE BLUE.  I REMEMBER ONE DAY WHEN I WAS BETWEEN MARRIAGES, HE SAID, “YOUR LINDA SURE IS A DOLL.  YOU BETTER HANG ON TO HER, PALLY.”

EVENTUALLY, WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER’S FAMILIES AND SPENT LOTS OF MEMORABLE SUMMER EVENINGS SITTING ON THE PORCH..DAVE, MARJEAN, LINDA AND I,  ENJOYING A COCKTAIL AND LOADS OF LAUGHS.  DAVE QUIT DRINKING IN 1978..BUT HE STILL LOVED PLAYING BARTENDER AND WOULD ALWAYS SAY, “ CAN I FLUFF THAT ONE UP FOR YOU?”

IT WAS GREAT FUN JUST LISTENING TO DAVE AND MARJEAN TALK..OFTEN AT THE SAME TIME.

IN THE EARLY YEARS, WE’D CHAT ABOUT MUSIC, MOVIES, FRIENDS AND ROMANTIC GET-AWAYS WE SHOULD GO TO.

BUT IN LATER YEARS, THE CONVERSATIONS WERE MORE ABOUT DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS AND WHO WAS ON WHAT MEDICATION..HOW MUCH AND FOR HOW LONG?

ONE THING THAT NEVER CHANGED WAS THE LAUGHTER AND COMFORT WE FELT IN EACH OTHERS COMPANY. 

A FEW MONTHS AGO, LINDA AND I SPENT A LONG OVERDUE EVENING AT THE DEDRICKS AND IT WAS GRAND..LIKE ALWAYS ONLY THIS TIME WE REMINICED A LOT ABOUT OUR YEARS AT  KELO.

I WONDER IF DAVE SENSED IT WOULD BE OUR LAST SUCH EVENING-BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY I RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING EMAIL FROM HIM.

“DOOGLE, IT’S BEEN SO LONG THAT I HAD FORGOTTEN HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO SPEND AN EVENING TOGETHER WITH DEAR OLD FRIENDS.

We HAVE SHARED SO MANY YEARS OF GREAT MEMORIES THAT OFFER US A TREASURE TROVE OF SUBJECTS TO MULL OVER. THE ‘GOOD OL DAYS’ FILL OUR DIARIES WITH LAUGHTER AND SATISFACTION THAT ‘WE’ WERE THERE TO WITNESS THE FRUITION OF OUR DREAMS COMING TRUE. WHO SAID THAT WE COULDN’T DO IT? HOW WRONG COULD THEY BE.

NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE SOMEONE ON THE STREET WON’T RECALL THEIR FIRST MEMORIES OF SEEING US ON TELEVISION WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP. I TAKE IT AS A GREAT COMPLIMENT THAT WE FILLED IN OUR OWN COMPARTMENT IN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEMORY BANKS THAT GREW UP IN THESE FOUR STATES WE DUBBED KELOLAND.

I LOVE IT WHEN THEY SAY ‘HI CAPTAIN ELEVEN!’”

“OLD WOOD TO BURN, OLD BOOKS TO READ..OLD FRIENDS TO TRUST. NOONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM US! LIFE IS GOOD, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER.”

 

Rest in Peace old friend.

Oh, By The Way, We’re Not Dumb

Posted: Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 7:34 am
By: Doug Lund
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Well, once again, South Dakota public schools have, according to “Education Week” flunked the course and rank dead last among all the states in the country. Shame on us for intentionally neglecting our children’s education so.

Or are we?

Let’s take a closer look at the 6 criteria used in this condemnation of South Dakota education;  student’s “chance for success” later in life if they attend school in the state, school finances; state assessments and standards; and teacher and school accountability.” Oh yeah, it also considers student achievement but, apparently, the fact that South Dakota kids rank consistently well above the national average on every level from report card grades, to  SAT scores to the percentage of those who graduate high school to the percentage of those grads going on to college..doesn’t count for much . Here are some of the latest actual figures.

Our  kids and teachers are getting that job done, folks; in spades..but  you’re not seeing those numbers in “Education Week” which would have you believe that students in New York and New Jersey are much better off than those in South Dakota.

Is there room for improvement in K-12 education?  Of course there is. Teacher salaries, for example, are embarrassingly low by comparison to other states and it’s high time we put a higher priority on paying them more before the realities of the economy outweigh their willingness to keep biting the bullet . Please don’t say, well, they only work 9 months out of the year. I think if you totaled up all the hours they dedicate to the job day AND night, you’d find they could put in for overtime.

Look, I don’t have any solutions to education issues but, like a lot of you, grow tired of having outsiders keep calling us dumb because we don’t measure up to their perception of how schools should be run and our kids’ chances for success in life.

You don’t know us..so shaddup.

And The Creepy Uncle Award Goes To…

Posted: Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 10:59 am
By: Doug Lund
14 Comments | Trackback Bookmark and Share

A rough heart-wrenching few days on the gridiron for this old Norsky.

At least my misery wasn’t prolonged.

It became crystal clear within a matter of minutes that the Minnesota Vikings, (I can’t believe I’m saying this) WITHOUT Christian Ponder, had a prayer of advancing in the NFL playoffs against the Packers. I didn’t get mad, throw my nerf brick at the TV or curse even once; just schlumped down on the chair in profound disappointment, changed the channel and watched British comedy re-re-re-re-runs on PBS..quietly resolved that my team will never ever be in the Super Bowl in my lifetime.

I was still looking forward to Monday night, though; hoping the ghost of Knute Rockne had shown up before the Notre Dame Football team to deliver his famous pep talk which would then propel the Irish to victory over favored Alabama for the National Championship.

I stuck with this game a bit longer; knowing that they’re not called the “Fighting Irish” for nothing and, based on past come-from-behind victories, could turn the game around. Instead, it just got worse.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to change channels before seeing and hearing 73 year old veteran announcer, Brent Musburger, manage to creep out the television audience with his dirty old man routine in comments he made about the Alabama quarterback’s girlfriend sitting in the stands…eeew.

 

YouTube Preview Image 

So, what am I to do until Nascar revs-up again late next month? ( I’m fully aware of the auto racing haters out there and all the unfair stereotypical comments they love to spew about rednecks driving fast and turning left but I like Nascar.)  It’s the only professional sport I think I might have been good at before I got too big to fit through the door window and developed a reasonable fear of being killed in a crash.

I suppose I’ll watch the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl but really don’t care which teams progress now that mine is out.  I’ve no real interest in the NBA unless Mike “Skinny” Miller gets a few playing minutes with Miami. I couldn’t care less about the National Hockey League taking to the ice again after that long silly strike that could have and probably should have ended the season. Sadly, I can’t get too worked up about the Minnesota Twins’ prospects for 2013 after that embarrassing debut season in their new stadium.

Gosh, I do seem a bit crabby today. Winters in Dakota can do that. At least Linda will be escaping into the warm sunshine soon. She leaves Saturday for Phoenix to spend a few days with her sister, Renee, and our desert daughter, Christy. Son James will be joining them from Oakland for the weekend.  She’ll be flying non-stop via Allegiant Air which advertises real tempting fares until you start counting up all the extras. But at least she won’t have to endure that long ride to Arizona by car..even if that car is Big Red (Our trusty high mileage old Lincoln Town Car) who has eagerly made the journey many  times but is now indicating some reluctance; need for a new battery and costly repairs for  a tiny leak in the air ride system.

So look out ladies, I’ll be batchin’ it next week.

Oops, I was channeling Brent Musburger there for a second; sorry.

Things Not Always What They Seem

Posted: Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 10:12 am
By: Doug Lund
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Yay! The Minnesota Vikings are in the playoffs; okay maybe not beyond Saturday’s re-re match with the Packers but it’s safe to say that even the most loyal of Vikings fans didn’t see this one coming after that miserable mid season slump. Of course, all the national attention is on potential MVP, Adrian Peterson, one of the greatest running backs of all time who sniffed the NFL rushing record last week only to come up a few yards short. But, the team’s defense has been stellar and even Christian Ponder has managed to throw a couple completed passes downfield. No predictions here but Sunday will likely find us in church; either to give thanks for our team’s great success and prayers for a Super Bowl victory…or to ask special forgiveness for so many profane outbursts in front of the TV including a few violations of the 3rd Commandment. (If you have to look that up, you should be sitting in the pew beside us.)

All of our “kids” have made their post Christmas check-in’s; all arriving at their distant destinations without too many travel complications. Last week I mentioned the unfortunate ice slippage incident in which our son-in-law, Joe, went to a Sioux Falls emergency room and came out with a sheepish look on his face and a big brace on his broken leg. I didn’t have a picture then. I do now.

image blog joe

 I’m not going to be too tough on Joe though because this has been an especially rough and emotionally draining Holiday Season for him and his whole family.

In keeping with the theme of this blog; “All things aren’t what they seem” this image of Joe with his brother, Rob and Sister Lori reflects a genuine but heartbreaking joy.

Lori Salvatori, Joe Moser and Rob Moser

Lori Salvatori, Joe Moser and Rob Moser

Lori, a young wife and mother of three, recently underwent a second surgery for brain cancer and the prognosis is grim. All of us who love Lori and the entire Moser family are praying for a miracle and would appreciate any prayers you’d care to send up on her behalf too.

Okay, back to the theme:

I remember the first time I saw one of those Magic Eye paintings that were so popular in the early 90’s. Tracy Roskins, who worked at Keloland at the time, brought one into the newroom and before long several of us were standing around the picture trying to get our eyes to focus correctly revealing the hidden image.

Stare at it for a bit..relax and an image should materalize

Stare at it for a bit..relax and an image should materalize

It was such a thrill when it happened and you were suddenly transported into an amazing three dimensional underwater scene complete with starfish or sunken ships with treasure chests full of gold.  When one person got it..they were only to happy to share the secrets of their revelation with others or just gloat . Sadly, and oddly, it turned out that some on our floor couldn’t see the magic image and, as we discovered, never would. It takes two functioning eyes to work and we had three folks on staff who were blind in one eye. The ooos and ahhhs stopped, the Magic Eye painting was taken down and we all went back to work.

One of my favorite artists is Dick Termes of Spearfish who uses spheres for a canvas creating art in the round from a six point perspective. He also has a gift for drawing or painting images that are more than what they seem.

This is one of his early creations. Do you see a scraggly tree or a couple about to kiss?

This is one of his early creations. Do you see a scraggly tree or a couple about to kiss?

Someone posted this picture that I also find fascinating.

Do you see a bearded buy like the one in Hobbit or a Mexican riding his horse next to a waterfall and senorita in a blanket?

Do you see a bearded guy like the one in Hobbit or a Mexican riding his horse next to a waterfall and senorita in a blanket?

Others are weirdly fun.

dog noses

angry bunny 

Hmmm suddenly I feel like seeing a 3-D movie at the theater; let’s see what’s playing. “Monsters Inc.” I didn’t care for this when it came out the first time in regular “D” 12 years ago. “Cirque du Soleil?”  I’ll wait to see it live in Vegas. “Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” Why would I pay to see blood and body parts realistically flying off the screen and into my expensive popcorn? “The Hobbit?” No, no no. I already suffered through the Ring trilogy understanding little or none of it and finding that hairless creature especially annoying.  Apparently there’s even more of him here AND in 3-D.

Nah..think I’ll save my money and stick with TV where stuff  IS real and precisely what it seems to be like: “Honey Boo Boo”.. “Killer Karaoke”.. “Hillbilly Hand Fishin’..”Springer,” “Amish Mafia” and those cooking shows where British guys scream and swear at budding chefs.

Okay, maybe that last one isn’t real. I mean everybody knows the Brits can’t cook.

UPDATE:

Linda went to see the Doctor this morning to exam her right foot which has been hurting since Christmas. Sounds like a stress fracture of unknown origin. Best we can figure it’s a sympathy injury for Joe. Anyway, she gets to wear a pump-up boot for a couple weeks which has gone and  wiped the familiar smile right off her pretty face.

linda foot