I Could Just Scream

Posted: Monday, May 7, 2012 at 9:52 am
By: Doug Lund
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Silly me. I thought if I dropped a few pounds the odds of me experiencing the debilitating excruciatingly painful episodes of my back going out of wack would decrease dramatically. Well, I have and it hasn’t. I made an innocent but apparently awkward body turn on Saturday and  felt that familiar twinge of pain like I’d stepped on a spine mine. At first I thought I’d be able to walk it off but soon I’d assumed the position of a guy standing on the side of a hill unable to straighten up. By Monday morning, I was barely able to get out of bed and to the Advil jar. So now I’m sitting sideways in my big chair all doped up on Ibuprofen and probably shouldn’t be trying to write coherent sentences but it’s been way too long between blogs and there are a few things I’d like to say.

First off, I don’t like the idea of extorting mega millions from Minnesotans for a new football stadium. But I don’t like the thought of losing the Vikings to Los Angeles or Tucson even more so bite the financial bullet dear lawmakers in St. Paul and I promise not to complain too much about the exorbitant price of tickets, brats and beer when we come visit your new digs.

Seems to me, though, that there are lots of people in this world with lots of discretionary income; billions to burn for things like stadiums or art.  

scream

We still don’t know for sure who had the top bid at Christie’s last week when Norwegian painter, Edvard Munch’s pastel version of “The Scream” went for a record 120 million dollars.  Most likely one of the filthy rich Arab oil barons from Qatar, Abu Dhabi or Dubai bought it. These guys have so much money they’re running out of ways to spend it like creating palm-shaped islands out of desert sand on which to erect their mansions.

Palm Island..they have two and are building more

Palm Island..they have two and are building more

They also built an enclosed Alpine mountain resort in one of the hottest places on earth complete with snow and ski slopes.

Ski Dubai outside view

Ski Dubai outside view

Ski Dubai inside view

Ski Dubai inside view

Of course if they ever do run low on cash, they just turn off a few spigots to their oceans of oil..create world wide shortages and drive up the price.  Anyway its probably one of those Sheiks who wasn’t rattled when he rolled out 120 mil for The Scream..likely from petty cash and ..perhaps to hang above the urinals in the executive wash room on the  top floor of Burj Khalifa..the world’s tallest building in downtown Dubai never to be seen again by the general public.

I didn’t know until this auction that The Scream is actually one of FOUR versions Munch did.  Linda and I actually saw the one hanging in the National Museum when we were in Oslo years ago. Now, I’m full blown Norwegian and proud of it but I’m afraid “The Scream” leaves me cold. I just can’t get beyond the thought that it looks like refrigerator art in the Addams family kitchen.

I wasn’t sure if sports was a big deal in the turban belt until I noticed several horses entered in the Kentucky Derby were owned by guys with a lot of J’s in their name so maybe if Minnesota lawmakers shake a nod to funding a new Vikings stadium, they should put in a call to one of the movers and Sheikers in Dubai or Qatar.

If they should buy our team, though,  I hope they don’t insist that Vikings players wear golden silk slipper spikes with turned-up toes.

Have I gone too far?

I’ll apologize when I hear an “I’m Sorry” from them for having me over an oil barrel every time I fill up at the pump or for trying to make me feel like I’m getting a bargain when gas drops to ONLY $3.50 a gallon.

11 Comments

  1. Fred says:

    I’ll chaulk this one up to the back pain and Iboprofen…

  2. congruent triangles says:

    There is alot of sarcasim there but one thing I agree with is the last Paragraph – the rest makes me SICK that we are chocked to provide that kind of wealth when there are so many that want or need good paying jobs in the US. YEars ago I used to work for a candy company only to find at east that the same Candy I used to make is now made in another country?? Thanks for a dose even if small of reality Doug… get well sir…

  3. Cam Lind says:

    Doug, if all the players had the turned up shoes would they all eb eligible to kick field goals without changing shoes?

  4. GMAX9 says:

    I hope you write more columns while in a drugged state. Your analogies and clever verbiage left me laughing out loud. Thanks for putting a smile in my day.

  5. grouse says:

    Doug, you’ve seen the agonizing face depicted on “The Scream” countless times on Christmas Eve, when customers discovered that Westaby’s and Martinson’s, and Harrington’s grocery stores in Volga were sold out of lutefisk! The look of despair when you realize that you have waited too long, and now you will be judged and chastised and hated for decades for ruining the part of Christmas that Norwegians hold second only to the birth of our Savior. One sees the red sky of hell that is bound to envelope the one who tarried too long at the pool hall or drank too much coffee at the Silver Bell, while other Norwegians prudently and promptly bought the treasured treat and hurried home to the bosom of their family. If the Arabs bought the painting, I fear that they will corner the lutefisk market next year to avoid the hell depicted.

  6. Per Pål P says:

    Great Grouse…GREAT…..I shall never look at “The Scream” again without thinking…
    “Oh Neida…No Lutefisk”…

  7. enemyswim says:

    HOPE YOUR SUSPICION THAT THE VIKINGS MAY MOVE TO TUCSON BECOMES A REALITY. THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA WILDCATS WOULD LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SCRIMMAGE THEM IN THEIR NEWLY REMODELED 50,000 SEAT STADIUM AND PROBALY BE WILLING TO PROMISE NOT TO HURT THEM TOO MUCH.. EVERYONE IN MINNESOTA COULD WATCH THE GAMES ON TV AS THE FANS HERE WOULD ASSURE EVERY GAME WOULD BE A SELLOUT.

    P.S. YOUR WELCOME TO COME AND STAY AS OUR GUESTS AND TAKE A BREAK IN JAN. FROM THE CONCRETE JUNGLE IN PHOENIX WHENEVER THE NEW TUCSON “ROADRUNNERS” (FORMERLY THE MINNYSOTA VIKEQUEENS” ARE IN TOWN.

  8. DANIEL JOHNSON says:

    Doug , OPEC has only reduced the oil flow twice the last 40 years while the speculators [ours] create fictitious oil prices on a daily basis unrelated to supply or demand. We are currently exporting oil so there is no reason to blame foreign providers when the guilty parties live in New York

  9. JeniW says:

    Would the Vikings really have moved to another location if the legislators had not approved the money to build a new stadium? Will we ever know for sure?

    Hopefully, it won’t be just the Vikings who will be able to use the stadium.

    And Doug, please make sure that you don’t have a compression fracture somewhere in your spine. Compression fractures are very painful and take a long time to recover, even longer if you are not careful.

  10. Claude says:

    Best thing for a bad back ?
    Hang by your arms from a chin up type bar.
    The weight of your body & gravity pulls the
    spine stright again ! Everything just kinda
    pops back into place.

  11. Michael says:

    “Would the Vikings really have moved to another location if the legislators had not approved the money to build a new stadium? Will we ever know for sure?”

    Yes, they would have moved. Zygi Wilf would not have stayed in Minnesota without a new stadium.

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