Will Somebody Answer The %$#@ Phone?

Posted: Friday, June 11, 2010 at 9:11 am
By: Doug Lund
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Went into panic mode this week when, while doing my usual rigorous daily exercise routine (on the couch surfing favorite websites) a strange but very official looking window popped up on my laptop. It warned that my computer was vulnerable to several viruses and advised me to click to scan.  Ah..but I was wise to this attempt at cyber sabotage because of a nasty experience last summer in which I received a similar warning window and foolishly clicked everything in site to get rid of it. But in doing so, I just opened the flood gates for every virus those evil scumbags, whose only life is to sit in their underpants in their mother’s basement before a big bank of computers, could conjure up.  It required major surgery on the hard drive to make right. Fortunately for me, Keloland TV’s brilliant I.T. guy, Landon Ray, was able to fix my latest problem remotely..without even having to bring the laptop in. Amazing.

Here’s what to watch out for.


For those of you like me, whose knowledge of computers is pretty limited, I thought I’d share a memo Landon sent out recently to KELO staff members but applies to anyone who uses the internet.

When you get infected with this particular spyware,stop what you are doing, do not try to close it or click on it at all  doing so actually downloads the full spyware/malware onto your workstation which in turn results in a much worse infection.  The particular spyware/malware will pop up and look like a full blown Anti-Virus software, it tends to hide under the names “Anti-Virus Pro 2009/2010” or just “AntiVirus Pro”.  It will state you are infected with a  lot of viruses and that you need to click on the program to run or download a full scan of your system.  By doing this you infect your workstation worse.

On another matter, I’ve hesitated sharing this with you for nearly a week because…well, you’ll find out.

Two of our granddaughters were staying at our house on Saturday and wanted to see the latest Shrek movie. Now, I’ve ranted here more than once about my aversion to movie theaters because I feel 25 dollars is way too much to pay for a couple bags of popcorn and some Coke.

I also hate it when people feel compelled to yak away during the entire film. Plus Carmike runs a half hour worth of commercials before the previews which last another twenty minutes. I don’t watch commercials at home..why should I pay big money to have them forced on me at the movies?  But worst of all are those who flagrantly ignore the pleas of the theater management to turn off their cell phones.


A young lady in our row was texting through out the whole show and then someone’s cell started ringing. It was a muffled ring but everybody in the theater could hear it. To make matters worse, the idiot wasn’t answering or doing anything to shut it off.  After the third time in about a half hour, even the texting girl was sufficiently annoyed to turn around and try spot the ignoramus who just let it ring.

Well, in spite of the distractions, everyone agreed that the movie was real good and when we got home, the kids’ moms were at our house and anxious to hear all about it.

My daughter Patty had just returned from ball tournaments in Yankton and mentioned that she’d called several times trying to figure out where everybody was  but got no answer. “I heard my phone vibrating, mom,” said granddaughter, Allison, “but I couldn’t very well pick up while the movie was going on.”

That’s when I started to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my popcorn-filled stomach.

I did leave MY phone in the car like I intended right???

Just then, I heard a familiar soft chirping sound coming from my left front pocket. I reached in and pulled out my cell.“Hello?”  “Hey, Doug..it’s Denny. Are we on for tomorrow?” Uh, yeah..I’ll see ya.”

Then I checked my messages and, gulp, it showed that I had three missed calls.

I guess it’s not so bad being an idiot when, after fessing up, you can bring such joy and uncontrolled laughter to the whole family.


  1. Sue says:

    What should you do if this screen shows up on your computer?

  2. One of the most important things in life is the ability to laugh at ourselves!

    I always feel bad for people whose cellphones ring during a church service. It seems almost always to be a woman’s, with a REALLY LOUD RINGER (how come I can’t hear my phone ringing in my pocket but I can hear a woman’s phone from across a crowded church when it’s in her purse?). And since it’s in her purse, she can neither get to it quickly to silence it nor can she silence it without first removing it from the purse, which only makes the ringing louder and more noticeable. But–as you well know, Doug!–the darn things are so much a part of us now that it’s very, very easy to forget we even have it along, let alone that we’ve neglected to silence it.

  3. Sweeps says:

    Bill, that happened in one of our church services one time. The pastor, in the middle of his sermon, calmly said, “if that’s my wife, tell her I’m busy.” TOO FUNNY! And yes, it is aggravating. I try to leave mine at home, but it’s the one time you forget to leave it that it’s going to ring. As they say, Murphy never sleeps.

  4. SQUIBBY says:

    Ah, we’ve all been there!

  5. Suzan says:

    We did get quite a laugh after just spending time berating the inconsiderate jerks who don’t think the warnings to turn their phones off apply to them. My “favorite” experience of being the inconsiderate jerk was at a big wedding in New Orleans. Our daughter was the flower girl. The bride is coming down the aisle and an obnoxious phone starts ringing. I was smuggly annoyed at the fool who would do such a thing…only to realize it was my phone! Who was calling? My Dad.

  6. LeAnn Mears says:


  7. Doug Lund says:

    In my case after getting one of these bogus virus protection windows on my screen, I turned the computer off and called an expert. There are apparently ways to do it yourself over the internet but I had a pro at my disposal and used him.

  8. Jeff says:

    I did laugh, I always find it bad when people
    forget to turn the phone to silent or off in Church.
    Pastor has asked me to put it on the screen
    where we put the words for worship before we
    start our services. What’s just as bad is having
    customers come into your store on the phone and
    you can’t even greet them until they finaly hang up.

  9. Terry says:

    While I agree $25 for popcorn and soda is outrageous, I will cut some slack to the movie theaters.
    Theaters don’t make any money off ticket sales, 95+% of the ticket sales go to movie producers.
    Theaters are lucky to make 50 cents on a $10 ticket.

    All of the theaters income and profits come from concessions.

    So when you buy that $25 popcorn and soda, you are supporting the theater, when you buy that $10 ticket you are supporting the movie producers.

  10. Scott says:

    My wife’s phone went off during church once. Fortunately her ring tone is a praise song. While she dug madly through her purse, I looked straight ahead while pointing a finger at her. A good laugh for all and then back to the message.

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