Me and My Big Mouth

Posted: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 12:00 am
By: Doug Lund
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Sometimes it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself.
I didn’t and it appears to have cost me the respect of my golfing buddies. (As if I had any in the first place.)
Our Tuesday golf outing at Brandon had to be cut short after just nine holes “again” because of cold and rain and that awful wind that penetrates even the most well insulated of us.
So Bob says, “Let’s go to the steakhouse, I’ll buy you one.”
All five of us thought an early 19th hole was a fine idea. Gene, who decided to do yardwork instead of golf joined us and by the time it got around to Denny’s turn to buy, we’d pretty much forgotten about the weather and started commenting on the condition of the world as only those who’ve imbibed perhaps a bit too much have a tendency to do.
I think Gary said something about how it cost him 100 bucks to get his pick-up filled with gas that morning. So we began to analyze and theorize the reasons behind the insane..seemingly unending increases in the cost of fuel..and the ripple effect it has on the cost of just about everything. “It’s not the Arabs, you know,” Gene said.  “We get most of the oil in this country from Canada and Mexico.”
“Well, maybe we ought to be sending invasion forces in the direction of our neighbors to the north and to the south, then,” one of us said jokingly.
I happened to mention to the boys about my visit with our financial planner last week.
He had the tough task of telling me that our meager little retirement portfolio has not been immune to the perils of Wall Street and  that we’re probably lucky to have only lost 5% so far this year. “5 Percent of our money is gone..just like that?” I said.
“’Fraid so, even the bond market has taken a big hit. But it should come back..the market always comes back.”
“Hey, Bill, it’s your turn to buy a round,” someone at the table said.
Then, Denny, Bob and Gene, who all have made vast sums of money through hard work and wise investments,  chimed-in about having to tough-out these difficult economic times.
“It would sure be a lot easier if this country wasn’t throwing away billions of dollars a month on that stupid war,” I said.
Instead of my pals nodding in agreement, they all got kind of quiet.
I paid no attention and proceeded to blurt out the words that left my conservative chums slack-jawed in disbelief and me wishing I’d think before I speak.
“I’m leaning towards voting for Obama,” I said.
At once I could feel  five pairs of eyes burning right through me.
“You’re kidding, right?” Bob said.
“Nah, I’m not. He’s the only one talking about getting out of Iraq and bringing about some positive and necessary changes. Hillary might be saying it too..but I don’t believe a thing she or her husband have ever said.
I like and admire McCain but he’s getting up there and I guess I’d rather see someone with a fresh perspective running things for awhile.
With a look of extreme disappointment, Denny hung his head and muttered something about always figuring that I was one of them…a Republican.
Then Bob and Gene opened up with both barrels. “Don’t you think Obama believes in the same crappola as his minister?  Oh, and his wife…now she’s a piece of work. You really want HER to be the first lady? He may not admit it but he’s a Muslim, you know.”
Gary and Bill wanted to jump in too but decided it wouldn’t be fair to pile-on when I was already so clearly outnumbered.
 When the laughter and ridicule died down, Bob ordered another round.
“We still love ya Dougie even though you’ve slipped over to the dark side.”
So I’ll find out on Thursday if they still let me play golf with them.
Meantime, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if I get a call from a stunned Todd David Epp wanting to do lunch and talk about OUR guy, Barack.
P.S. Linda scared the snot out of me yesterday when I heard her let out a scream from the front deck. She was about to dig into the dirt to plant some flowers when she saw something moving under the soil.
Mrs. Cottontail had hop, hop, hopped down the bunny trail and deposited five little ones in the flower pot.
 I guess the petunas will have to wait awhile.

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