What’s Up Doc?

Posted: Monday, April 28, 2008 at 12:00 am
By: Doug Lund
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"What’s the patient’s name please?"
"America..U.S. America."
"Is that with a K or a C?"
"That would be a C."
"Okay, what seems to be the trouble with America?"
"Well, she just hasn’t been herself lately, doc. She used to be so beautiful…inside and out.  In fact, that’s what we called her, America the beautiful. She was so big hearted and generous.  Whenever there was a problem anywhere in the world she would be right there offering to lend a helping hand. Most everyone looked up to or, at the very least, respected her.
But now, she’s gotten messed up with the wrong crowd and started picking fights. She’s let her appearance go.
She stopped saving the money we give her and has been spending it like there was no tomorrow; gambling it away on foolish adventures and shakey investments until she’s way over her head in debt.
We still love her very much but are worried sick that we might lose her if this sort of behavior keeps up.
Is there anything you can do, doc?" 
"Well, she needs help alright but you’ll need to see a specialist. Someone with the credentials to get her back on the proper path to peace and prosperity."Let’s see,  I only know of three who claim to have the neccessary qualifications for that kind of challenge. I have their names right here. You can check ‘em out and decide for yourself which one you think is best."
"That’s it? Only three out of so many millions? Oh, alright, let’s see who we have here.
It’s obvious that this one is tough as nails but getting on a bit in years and really doesn’t seem to offer the kind of hope and redirection we were looking for and that our beloved America needs right now.
Oh, and she’s already been to see this second name on the list.  In fact, she spent 8 years there and, frankly, picked up some bad habits. Habits we’d rather she didn’t get back into….like stretching the truth and doing some things that were downright embarrassing.We’ve never heard of this last one. Not much experience, that’s for sure. Can’t  help but wonder if  America would even listen to, much less follow, directions from such a bright-eyed idealist with no real track record.  I don’t know what we’re going to do.
Thanks anyway, doc. What do we owe you?"
"Well, lets see, 600 dollars ought to cover it."
"Wow, what a coincidence. We got a government check in the mail just this morning for exactly that amount!"

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